Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
