How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
