Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
