dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize