We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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