I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
