JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize