State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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