dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How does one acquire holy water?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
