Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
