a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
