I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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