I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
