Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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