after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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