I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
