We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
