Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
