meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
