Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
