Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
