I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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