wakey wakey hands off snakey
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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