The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
