so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
