Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
