I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
