My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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