The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she told me i tasted like america
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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