So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
