I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize