I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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