she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
