Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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