birth control should be required to get into college
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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