look no pants
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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