the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
