Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
