i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I stole a fireplace last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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