Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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