You just made me feel so damn special
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I touched a dick in church today
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He shit in the fireplace
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