You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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