I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize