I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
