Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
