You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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