we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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