Welp...herpes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
