that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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