Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
