Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
