he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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