This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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