Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
