I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
