I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
