I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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