Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I deserve this hangover.
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