I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
