An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize