Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
