I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
