I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize