a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
