I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
