Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
