Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
