Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
