he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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