I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize