i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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