im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
