I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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