Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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