ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im part way to drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
