Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
