i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize