WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
