is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
