i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
