We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
