so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
NoShamevember. You game?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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