does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
