If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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