he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I party with great urgency now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
