OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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