Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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