You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
