If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize